Last night I went out for dinner and wound up at the “single diner” section, sitting at the bar. I was seated next to one of the absolute largest women I have ever seen. Seeing as the bar setting really encourages “group conversations”, my seat mate immediately turned to introduce herself as Della from Missouri. Happy to have someone to chat with and not look like a complete loner at the bar, Della and I began to chat over our dinners, and it was quite possibly the most therapeutic conversation I’ve ever had.
Della weighs 347 pounds, and has lost 50 pounds already. I asked her what her secret was- and she had absolutely no qualms in telling me that the secret was something every person who overeats and is large knows subconsciously but doesn’t want to admit. She asked me to try and guess (which is super awkward, guessing why someone is overweight) and I had absolutely no idea. Della then shared with me some pretty wise words: “Fat people don’t love themselves honey, they don’t care”.
She went on to explain that overweight people (barring those with medical conditions) aren’t any different than skinny people, except they don’t love themselves enough to take care of themselves. When Della was done explaining to me how she didn’t love herself, she then dug into her purse and found a picture of herself at 24. She looked at it wistfully (I didn’t know what that word meant until that moment) and then said “I was about your age here, and I was about your weight”. UM… WHAT? She was MY weight at 24 and was eventually 400 pounds? Yup, there it was in picture evidence.
We continued to chat about her theory, what she was doing to improve her relationship with herself and I kept going back to her at my age. She was telling me that it started when her knee got hurt, she stopped going to the gym and the weight started piling on. That worked into body issues, and she began to shut herself off from friends and going out since she was self-conscious about her size and her whole life spiraled downhill.
While it was one of the most awkward things I brought up next- that I wanted to lose 30 pounds when she was trying to lose like 200) I’m glad I did because she truly believed that my 30 were the same as her 200.
Della pretty much summed up my current situation, and the path I’m heading down in terms of my weight. It just seems to keep piling on and there’s no stopping it. But Della also changed my point of view on dieting and exercise; It’s not punishment- it’s loving yourself.
So to my new friend Della from Missouri, thank you for joining me for an impromptu dinner at a Chili’s restaurant in Texas. Thank you for imparting such simple knowledge to me in such a way that actually made sense and spoke to me. Thanks Della 
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For someone who has just joined the gym train and also trying to lose 30 pounds, I would like to thank Della – what a great perspective. Next time I feel like I’m punishing myself, I will stop and see that it’s Loving yourself that counts!