Ok, seriously. I’ve been talking about how I’ve gained weight and need to lose it for like 3 years now. I’m like a broken record… Or a fat lady who just on’t leave the ice cream parlour. Mmmm, ice cream… No… No… I digress.
A couple of weeks ago, my favorite pair of Paper Denim and Cloth jeans got the dreaded hole on the inside thigh. I didn’t think too much of it because the jeans are known for being notoriously thin and is part of the reason that I heart them. I tried to wear them but found that it was not a flattering look and there are literally zero people who want to see my underwear while I reach up on a shelf at the grocery store to get something. I wrote them off to the land of lost jeans and bid them adieu. Sad, but I was able to successfully move on.
Fast forward to today as I was sitting on my living room couch chatting with my mom in a pair of not too well worn in Mavi Jeans. Don’t get me started on how much I dislike Mavi jeans (they ruined 2 Marc Jacobs purses and the store refused to do anything about it, even give me a future discount on a purchase) but I owned these dark jeans that were the perfect length for wearing with flats on the weekends. I’ve been wearing them more recently since the death of my Paper Denim and Cloth. And.. a hold in the thigh just seemed to magically appear. WTF.
I thought that maybe I was buying dysfunctional denim (I googled for denim recalls, apparently this has never happened in the history of time) but in my internet freakout realized that it was because my thighs have developed into their own small countries which are trying to overtake each other. They are rubbing against one another and causing too much friction. Too much friction in my pants sounds like a great title for my next porno flick, but in reality, it’s a depressing condition which results in your favorite denim being ruined due to your obese thighs. It’s the tearjerker of the year. While the internet did tell me that many ladies have this problem and present several solutions like this one… Is the fact that my denim is being ruined because I’m obese not more of a concern?
Ladies and gentlemen of Roccapuccia readership, I am officially a fatshionista.
My butt just doesn’t look good in non-designer denim. It’s a curse which I deal with on an everyday basis… But my wallet can’t handle going through a pair every month at $200 a pop because my tree trunk thighs rub together like I’m trying to light a fire. Wow, light a fire in my crotch. The porno movie titles are flying out of the Roccapuccia blog tonight. I will probably acquire a whole new readership because of the google searches. This might be the end of the larger Miss A due to sheer fiscal responsibility and budgetary limitations.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh hun, I totally hear you, and a couple of pairs of jeans have worn through at the thighs, most notably a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch jeans. However, aren’t jeans supposed to be tough anyway? I mean, I hardly think it’s entirely your thighs’ fault. If you’re going to pay ~$200 per pair, they better damn well hold up through years of wear and tear.
And you’re not the only one sounding like a broken record about losing weight because I’ve been making the same declaration for the past 3-ish years too. It’s not that we can’t physically do it (because we can and then some), but it seems like there’s something in our minds holding us back for whatever reason. Plus it’s not easy to keep motivation up until you see tangible results, but results can lead to slacking…vicious cycle.
Anyway, my point is that you’re lovely and beautiful, and don’t let a couple of weak-ass jeans tell you otherwise
Never buy Mavi again!!! They’re terrible.
I just recently switched from Paige to Urban Outfitters’ brand BDG and I love them!! They fit amazingly well and are incredible cheap- $50 a pair! Go try some immediately!